I don't want to run anymore
by MissyWoodhouse
Summary: "I haven't been out here for long." She said as she saw the leather jacket in his hand. "So why are you out here then?" She smiled. He was always looking after her. - Missing scenes from Avengers, CA:The Winter Soldier, Age of Ultron etc. (AUish)
1. I don't want to run anymore

So I got Age of Ultron on DVD...

And jep thank you Joss for not explaining how Maria got Steves jacket, for cutting out their little talk on the stairs and so on - that makes it easier for us to create our own versions about what happened.

This is my take on the brown leather jacket

So have fun and enjoy the read!

Disclaimer: All belongs to Marvel, I'm only borrowing it.

* * *

"Your world is crazy."  
Steve nodded as he looked over the common room where Starks party was taking place.  
Many faces he had never seen before and he probably never would see again.  
His gaze stopped at the couple sitting on the couch.  
"You know you need to improve your 'I am jealous but I am not showing it' face." Sam said with a smirk as he watched his friend.  
"What?" Steve turned looking at Sam confused.  
"Oh c'mon. I may don't know you not that long but, man; I can read you like an open book. I don't know the story of you two but dude you should ask her out."  
Now Steve was laughing as he teared his gaze from the brunette who was smiling politely while listening to Rhodey who was telling another story.  
"What?" Now it was Sam's turn to look confused.  
"I'm going to tell you when there are fewer ears around." The blond man said before heading downstairs to join Thor at the bar.  
As he passed the couch, which was of course not on the way to the bar, he stopped.  
"Anyone in a need for another drink?" Steve asked with a smile and was met with an honest smile from the brown haired woman.  
"Yeah a beer would be nice." She replied softly turning herself towards him, trying to blank out the man next to her who was truly annoying her.  
"No thanks. So as I was saying."  
Steve let his fingers graze her hand as he walked away.

"I haven't been out here for long." She said as she saw the leather jacket in his hand.  
"So why are you out here?" She smiled.  
He was always looking after her.  
He barely missed something.  
He knew when she hadn't lunch, when she hadn't had a cup of coffee after a long meeting or when she just needed a quiet evening looking over the city and taking in the life down on the streets of New York.  
Just like she did now.  
"I just needed a moment alone. Stark, all those people, Stark and Thor competing on whose girlfriend is the best and Rhodey keeping on telling his oh so amazing War machine stories. Oh and did I mention Stark?" Steve chuckled as she rolled her eyes.  
"Here." He handed her his leather jacket he had picked up from his chair as he saw her walking out on the balcony.  
With a small smile she took it and put it on.  
"You know sometimes I wonder how it would have looked like if I hadn't been chosen for the experiment. How life would have been. I wouldn't have met Peggy, I wouldn't have fought HYDRA, I wouldn't have been in the ice sleeping for 70 years. I wouldn't have joined the Avengers. I wouldn't have lived to see HYDRA rise again." He paused and took a step closer to her, his fingers fiddling with the bracelet on her arm.  
It had been a birthday present from him.  
He saw her opening her mouth to say something but he just looked at her before he continued.  
"But also I wouldn't have met you years ago. The fierce, strong and thoughtful leader. I wouldn't have got to know you. I wouldn't have had the chance to see behind this mask."  
"You know this is getting really cheesy." Maria finally said with a look on her face that made him smile.  
He knew that she wasn't mad or making fun of him.  
It was more like she still wasn't used to it.  
"Hey everyone needs some cheesy once in a while." He added and entwined his fingers with hers.  
"Whatever." She muttered her shoulder touching his.  
They remained silent for a while standing there next to each other  
"Sometimes I wish for the easy life, you know? No politics, no heroes, no freaks out there trying to burn the world. Just this ordinary life. I..." She paused and turned her head to meet his eyes.  
He was curious; she could read it in his eyes.  
She wasn't this 'openly talking about my feelings' person and she never would be.  
But she trusted him.  
"It keeps coming to my mind recently. I don't know why because I never thought about all these things before." Now she was lying but he wouldn't know.  
"Ria." She knew this tone in his voice.  
"I... I can't" She paused turning her head looking back on the streets down below.  
"Hey, we talked about this. Take your time, no pressure. Say it whenever you want." He said softly laying a hand on her waist.  
Maria didn't move.  
She feared that her eyes would give her away.  
That they would show that she was afraid, seriously afraid about what was coming.  
Because she couldn't control it.  
She took a deep breath before turning around facing him.  
"I was thinking. About leaving it all behind. To start over." And again Maria paused.  
"To start over. That is what Peggy said to me when I visited her before SHIELD fell. And I try to." Steve whispered.  
And then he realized what this was about.  
"I don't want to run anymore." Her eyes met his.  
"So, what is your answer?" He asked quietly fearing that if he would talk louder she would change her mind.  
"Yes."  
"Like yes?" He asked in disbelieve not daring to let her answer sink in.  
"Like yes." Maria replied with a smile.  
With a smile so honest that Steve thought about pinching himself just to check that it was real.  
"Yes." She repeated softly chuckling.  
He pulled her in his arms.  
He kissed her.  
"I got the best girlfriend in the entire universe." Steve said proudly before kissing her again.  
"No, you got the best fiancée." Maria corrected him giggling.  
This decision felt so right to her.  
"True." He wrapped his arms around her holding her close.  
"Now that HYDRA is gone, we can start over, leaving it all behind." Maria whispered.  
"Mhm. I love you." Steve said softly.  
"I love you too."

"We should get back in."  
"I don't want to let you go." Maria giggled placing a kiss on his lips.  
"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."  
"Fine."  
"Hey, no reason to look sad soldier, you got me for the rest of your life." Just the thought of it made Steve smile happily.  
"I know and there is nothing that could make me any happier."  
He gave her one last kiss before they went back inside finding most of the guests gone and Clint ordering tons of Chinese food.

* * *

So this happened when I rewatched Age of Ultron.

This is going to be one shots series aka missings scenes series from basically every Marvel movie (and Agents of SHIELD).

Because Caphill is my major ship I'm going to focus on that but you'll never know maybe there will be some Pepperony, Clintasha or else so...


	2. Home

Another Caphill one - no I'm not sorry - this can be read seperatly from "I don't want to run anymore" but it works fine with it together.

I know it doesn't quite fit the movie timeline but well I don't care ;)

Disclaimer: Not owning anything but the idea

* * *

Steve looked at the sky seeing Thor disappear to who knows where.  
 _"We can go home."_ Peggys voice still haunted his thoughts.

Home.  
Brooklyn, New York.  
That had been home.  
He had known every corner, every street and all the people living in his house.

1945.  
That had been home.  
He had fought HYDRA and Red Skull and he thought them defeated.

World War II.  
That had been home.  
Him defeating and saving his people.

Peggy, Bucky and all his friends.  
That had been home.  
Him being in love thinking about settling down and having a family.

But all of this is gone.

Peggy was slowly forgetting everything.  
Her life.  
What she had accomplished.  
Who she had been.  
And he had to accept the fact that she was dying.

Bucky the one he thought dead was alive.  
Being a thug for the organization he thought gone.  
Now he was hiding somewhere trying to get away from the world he helped to create.  
But Steve hadn't give up on him.  
He would find him.

2015 was certainly not 1945.  
So many things had changed.  
Everyone owned a car.  
Women had equal rights to man.  
And he had missed out on all of this development still not understanding half of it.

World War II was over.  
"They say we won but they didn't say what we lost." He likes to say.  
He learned about Pearl Harbor and Hiroshima.  
The price the world paid at the end.  
It certainly had changed the world but he wasn't sure if it had been for the better.  
Not that he wanted the old things back but he missed some of the things that had been the normal.

He had reached the Quinjet.  
He put his shield on its usual place and checked his locker space for some normal clothes.  
He changed and hung his uniform in his locker.  
He looked at it for a long moment before locking it up.

Now he stood inside the Quinjet being Steve Rogers who didn't know what to do next.  
He thought about contacting Sam and to ask him about any new leads on Bucky.  
Or Maria just to make sure that she was alright.  
But then all he had was a smartphone and he knew that he would be traceable for Ultron if he used it.  
Letting out a heavy sigh he left the jet and headed back to the farm.  
Maybe Clint and his wife had a landline he could use.

"Of course, come I show you the one which is more private. And don't worry I'll make sure none of them is going to listen in." She said with an understanding smile as she led him upstairs.  
"Thank you." Laura nodded and left him alone.  
His fingers lingered uncertain on the phone before he finally picked it up and dialed the number.  
This was nothing special.  
He was just making sure that all of his team members were fine.  
That did include Maria.  
He knew that Sam and Rhodey were save.  
But Maria was still at the Tower.

 _"Hill."_ Steve sighed relieved as she finally picked up.  
"Hey, it's me. Steve."  
 _"Steve, I guess you found a place to lay low?"_ He heard her relax a little.  
"Yeah something unexpected but safe, I hope." Steve paused uncertain what to say next.  
He looked around the room he was standing in.  
Probably the guestroom.  
 _"How is the team, really?"_ Maria asked, emphasizing the last word.  
"I don't know. Nobody is talking about it. But we got it bad."  
 _"Tell me about yours."_ She wasn't demanding him to do it. Neither was there the professional tone in her voice.  
"I" He paused sitting down trying to make sense of the things he had seen.  
"I had been back at the 40s after World War II. A victory party. People were laughing, dancing. Peggy showed up. Saying that the war was over and we could go home. And then I thought about it and everyone in the room was gone." Steve wasn't sure if it was him who released a heavy sigh or her.  
"I know that it's not real. But."  
 _"Steve, honestly I'm not good at being a comforter, gosh ask Phil about it, nor do I know what you have been through. But you need to focus. I guess it felt so real and then all shattered. I know how it feels to have no home. Home was always something like a fairy tale. All those places I lived in where a place to live. But nothing special. But there is this saying "home is where your heart is"."_ Her voice trailed off.  
"Home is where your heart is." He repeated softly letting the word roll over his tongue.  
 _"And maybe you need to let go."_ Marias voice was serious again and he knew what was coming next.  
"Ria."  
 _"The real let go."_ She didn't let him finish.  
They had this kind of talk before and she was slowly but surely getting tired of it.  
 _"Not just accepting the fact that this time is different and all of the people you've known are gone. Make them your memories you look at, when life is tough or I don't know. But you have to move on. Otherwise we'll lose you. The team, the people counting on you, your friends, me. Because we don't want to be second to people who are dead."_ Marias voice was barely a whisper and he knew that he had hurt her.  
And that she was right.  
But it was hard to let go.  
Harder than he thought it would be.  
"I can't do it alone." Steve realized running his hand through his hair.  
 _"You're not alone. You got friends, the team. People you trust. Talk to them. Well maybe not to Stark or Thor. But you know what I mean."_  
He closed his eyes thinking of the people downstairs.  
He trusted them with his life.  
They didn't always share the same opinion in one or two or many things but he knew they had his back.  
"I wish you could be here." Steve was surprised by the honesty in his voice.

"Cap get your butt down here. Tony wants to challenge you in who can create the bigger wood pile. Or as I would call it take him out here he is annoying the heck out of everyone." Natasha yelled from downstairs.  
"Hey redhead I heard that." He heard Tony yell.

 _"No. I wish we could be somewhere else. Where none of this is happening. But now go and make sure Stark has to work hard to even make it hard for you."_ He heard her giggle lightly and his heart melt a bit.  
"I'll do my very best."  
 _"Steve. Stay safe okay?"_ Maria asked after a brief moment of silence.  
"Yes. Yeah, I'm coming back home." Steve promised more to her than to himself.  
 _"Home?"_ He smiled at her obvious confusion.  
"Home is where your heart is." He replied softly before ending the call.


	3. A Liability

Do you know this deleted scene from Cap2 where Maria and Sitwell have this interesting talk?  
No? Well then head over to youtube and check it out cause it's going make your caphill and/or Maria heart happy. I promise.  
Yes? Well then head over to youtube as well and re watch it cause it's just awesome.

Maria Hill centred and a bit of CapHill if you want to read it ;)

* * *

"You called me?" I don't hide the annoyance in my voice.  
Since Fury is dead Pierce has changed the chain of command making Sitwell his second in command.  
Actually I'm not quite sure where I am now.  
And I don't like this, this uncertainty what is coming next.  
I like it to know what is going to happen who plays which role.  
I should know why SHIELD is hunting Steve, Captain Rogers.

"About an hour ago. Where have you been?" Sitwell's voice is harsh and just confuses me more.  
We have known each other for years and I know that he had been really upset when Fury chose me over him to be Deputy but this was something new.  
Something is totally off here.  
Like making Steve, I mean Captain Rogers a fugitive.  
But that just confirms my suspicion that something is not right.  
Ever since Project Insight.  
I know I hadn't been that pushy about not realizing it or else but it doesn't felt right.  
Just like the Avengers.  
But that's something else.

"Arranging a funeral." I reply dryly trying to find some hint in his demeanor, his eyes which could tell me what is going on.  
But there is nothing I can read.  
"Sorry." I could see that he means it because for a splint of a second he drops the walls and is the Agent Sitwell I know.  
"I was wondering if you knew anything about this." Sitwell brings up a video of Romanoff and Rogers at some Apple store.  
So there they are hiding out trying to get on the data on the flash drive.  
But it is good that Romanoff found him so he can't do something stupid.  
"No but I'm not surprised." I pause and I can't hinder the small smile forming on my lips.  
"That's Captain America you're after. He tends to inspire a certain amount of loyalty."  
And for one moment I can see a hint of uncertainty in Sitwell's eyes.  
But for me this little chit chat is over and with a blank look I turn around because this all is getting really confusing and there are still things I need to do.  
Contacts I need to check on about this all.

"When's the service?" I hear Sitwell ask.  
"Friday." I call back not turning around.  
"As soon as this is finished you're going back to New York."  
Wait, what?  
Why should I be back there?  
Yes the Avengers are there but they're causing no trouble currently – excluding exploding labs – but my place should be here at the HQ.

"Why?" I turn around keen to learn the reason.  
"You're off the investigation." That much I figured already so tell me why.  
I feel the anger rise.  
Confusion is one thing but mixed with anger and this bad gut feeling.  
"The director feels your connection to Captain Rogers is a liability."  
There are rare moments when I lose this indifferent look which doesn't give away my thoughts and emotions.  
But this.  
This is just ridiculous.  
A liability?  
Of what kind of connection is he talking?  
That I work with him?  
That I'm one of his handlers because Fury wanted someone he trusted?  
What does the director mean?  
Does working for Fury make me not trustworthy?  
There is no way they…  
No certainly, no way.  
Friendship would never be a liability.  
After all we are all humans no brainless robots.

To say I am furious would be an understatement.

"SHIELD demands loyalty too."  
I just turn and leave.  
Otherwise I wouldn't know what I'll do to him and there are way too many Agents around.  
I need to punch something.  
Really, really hard.

I never had my loyalty to SHIELD questioned.  
I need answers.  
Quickly.  
Really quickly.

As soon as I am out of Mission Control I pull out my phone, the one SHIELD doesn't track and searching through the contacts saved on it I find the number I was looking for.  
"Coulson, I need your eyes and ears."

He finds the STRIKE team that is send Downtown to arrest Rogers and Romanoff half an hour later.  
Joining it is easy.  
To easy.  
Like who had trained them?  
Sitwell is getting sloppy.

The street is a mess.  
Looks like there are not many civilians who had been wounded.  
But SHIELD would take care of them.  
But nothing SHIELD couldn't deal with.  
The question though was what had happened here?  
This hasn't been a simple man to man fight.

Romanoff is losing a lot of blood.  
Rogers, gosh it doesn't matter, Steve looks devastated, like he has seen a ghost.  
And who the heck is the other guy?

Seeing your friends being handcuffed is something you don't want to see.  
Especially when you know that they didn't do anything wrong.  
The gun held at Steve's head makes me tense.  
I have the perfect shot on Rollins.  
But that is plan B.

Plan A is working just fine right now.  
For now they are safe in this truck.  
Poor fella next to me though.  
What are they talking about?  
I mean I know who Bucky is.  
And I know that Romanoff thinks that the Winter Soldier is back.  
I read the files when she mentioned it back at the hospital after I asked her why she knew it was soviet made bullets.  
Is Bucky the Winter Soldier?

I can't hide the smirk as Romanoff tell Steve that this is not his fault.  
He still blames himself for Bucky's fall back then.  
He once told me about it.  
That he keeps dreaming about it.  
That there had been time when he didn't dare to sleep because he feared to see it all again and again in his dreams.

This helmet is really tight.  
Thankfully the new guy gives me the perfect moment.  
As I said poor fella.  
But then as I said I need to punch or in this case to kick someone.

"Ah this thing was squeezing my brain." I can see an amused glint in Romanoff's eyes as she realizes that's me.  
The new guy is really shocked.  
And Steve is smirking.  
"Who is this guy?" I ask him pointing my head towards the other man.

* * *

A/N:

Haven't wrote first person in a while but yeah I like it.  
Still learning how to write Maria but I guess this is just fine.  
Let me know what you think of it.


	4. She is just an ordinary woman

Thank you for your reviews!

xx

* * *

Steve's phone rings.  
"Don't even think of touching it." He warns me as I try to reach over to check who is calling.  
"So you know who is calling."  
"Yes. Some people got a special ringtone after I took a call mistaking Fury for Barton because I didn't look at the screen." I chuckle trying again to get a look on the phones screen.  
"Soo it is someone you don't want me to find out about." Steve reaches over and flips the phone over before focusing back on the road.  
I just smile.  
The glimpse I could catch on the screen told me that my suspicion is right.

"So do you have an answer for my question?" I ask after a long while of silence.  
Road trips can be boring as hell.  
"Hu?" Steve looks confused at me.  
Like he had been thinking pretty hard and he has to remember where he is.  
"Oh c'mon, remember when I asked you what makes you happy? And after watching you a while now I guess that you had been thinking about this question. I mean after all that had happen I thought I would ask you again." I say with a smirk.  
Steve shakes his head like he is trying to sort his thoughts.  
"That time you asked I had absolutely no idea how to answer it and somehow I still don't have one."  
"You're bad liar, you know?"  
"You spent too much time with Natasha and Maria." Steve's reply to that question was an automatic reply.  
Every once in a while someone would tell him how bad he was at lying.  
And man, he was bad.  
"But you're closer to that answer, hu? Got something to do with this brunette woman." I say hinting at the obvious.  
I mean who doesn't know that he has a major crush on Maria Hill?

Steve ignores me, focusing on the road.

"So you're not going to deny it. Thought I was right about that. Someone said you and Sharon would be something but guess that is off the list then." I just love to tease him and Natasha provides new information very frequently.  
"Natasha makes sure everyone knows about those things." Steve says with a sight and I kinda feel bad for teasing him. But just kinda.  
I watch him closely as he opens and closes his mouth several times before starting to talk.  
"Things aren't easy when you are me. People admire you for what you have done 70 years ago. People admire you for what you do now. It's kinda hard to find someone who sees more in you than the super soldier if at all. You need to find people who trust you. People who just see you. And sometimes you just stumble over those people."  
"Yeah I got that part." I interrupt him. Because, man, everyone understands that.  
"So yeah there is this woman. Tough, brave yet kind hearted. She is one and she is another. She is whoever she wants to be. She is who you want her to be. But then when you get to see underneath all these masks. All the covers blown." He pauses unsure. Steve quickly glances over to me before continuing and I can sense that he isn't entirely sure if he should continue talking.  
"She is just an ordinary woman who wants to be accepted, who wants to be loved. Who wants a cup of coffee in the morning without anyone interrupting her. Who wants a foot massage once in a while because those heels are killing her." Steve pauses again a smile forming on his lips. Yeah, that man cares deeply for that woman.  
"Who wants a day off to go shopping, having a manicure and all those things. Who would love to own a Labrador but can't because of her job. Who wants to have kids eventually. A family. A place to settle down and even a new ordinary job."  
"Dude if you keep talking like that for another three minutes I have to believe you and Hill are dating." I say before thinking about it.  
But either they are dating or he makes this all up.  
And I can tell when he is lying.

Steve remains silent starring down the road.  
"You are not." I ask him confused.  
"Are you?" I then asked again just to make sure. This none answer is even worse than if he wouldn't have said anything.  
Steve doesn't answer as we stop at a red light.

"No way." I interpret this none answer.  
Steve just raises an eyebrow.  
"But how long?"

"Dude I won that bet." I mumble to myself fishing my phone out of my pocket to text Natasha.  
"But you two even weren't alone back in the base. Or were you?" I stop mid texting trying to remember the time when we were back at the secret base planning the downfall of SHIELD.

Steve's phone rings again.  
This time he takes the call putting it on speakers.  
"What's up?" He asks smiling.  
"Just checking in. Making sure Wilson is still alive." The female voice says with a hint of a giggle.  
I just raise an eyebrow being more confused about the giggling Maria Hill than the fact that Maria Hill is calling.  
"Barely but he is holding up. Maybe I need to come by at Starks place so he can rest up." He replies with a straight face looking at me.  
"Hey I don't know about you but I don't like it when someone talks about you when you around." I say to reveal that I am listing too.  
"Oh now he is pounding. We should be nicer to him." Steve says lightly laughing. Who is this guy next to me?  
"Maybe. It's a good idea though to drive by. Got some intel and some other things you might want before heading out on this hunt again. Phil got something too." New intel and leads on the hunt for Bucky? Perfect maybe we will find finally something that will bring us closer to him.  
"We should be there for dinner." He replies after a quick glance at his watch.  
"Stark and Pepper are out tonight. Barton and Romanov are still on a mission so all clear here."  
"That's good. Fancy something special?" Like seriously who is this guy next to me making dinner plans?  
"Nope. Your turn."  
"Italian then." Steve decides.  
"Fine. Oh Nell called, asking about Thanksgiving." She adds lightly. I try to think of a moment when I last heard Maria talk the same way she is doing now.  
"I call her later."  
"See you around." And the phone call ends.  
I look at Steve with a mischief grin but remain silent.  
"Mind if we stop for a coffee?" Steve asks as he pulls over.  
"No not really although I really want to find out more about Nell, Thanksgiving and it being your turn for dinner."

"Mr. Rogers, welcome back at the Tower." A tall older man greets us at the lobby of the Avengers Tower.  
"Linus I told you to call me Steve." Steve replies shaking the older man's hand. The irony.  
"Yes Sir but it's kinda habit. Who is your friend? I need to register him so he can pass the security."  
"Right. Sam meet Linus, head of the security of the tower." I greet Linus and provide the information Linus needs for the security check.  
"Is Miss Hill still at her office?" Steve asks waiting patiently.  
"Yes but you know her she even would be there till night fall." Linus and Steve share a knowing look.  
"True. Don't give her a call ahead." He says as we head to the elevator.

"Fancy place. Are you going to move in here?" I say as we enter the lift looking around.  
"Thinking of it. It doesn't feel right to go back to DC after what had been." Steve says shoving his hands in his pockets  
"Welcome back Mr. Rogers. Shall I inform Miss Hill?" The AIs voice greets us making me jump, as we reach the teams level.  
"Hello JARVIS. No wanna surprise her. Could you have set up the guest room please?"  
"Of course Sir. Anything else?"  
"No thanks."

"So this is the team lounge. There is a bar, a kitchen area over there the fridge should be stocked because it's Starks after all. If there is anything want just talk to JARVIS. I should be back in ten. Oh and don't touch the Nutella." I simply nod taking in the view over Manhattan and as Steve disappears in the elevator again I wonder what the matter with the Nutella is.  
And although I am curious I am not daring to find out.

Exactly ten minutes later the elevator doors reopen revealing a smiling Maria Hill followed by a laughing Steve Rogers.  
And that, this moment is the answer to my question.  
I am not sure if either of them sees it but this moment, the smiles and giggles.  
They both seem happy not caring about the things happening around them at that very moment.

It is just them.

I don't know if it's love because this is something only they can tell but I'll just pretend it is.

Love in the time of HYDRA.


	5. You're not a monster

Silly me - I didn't check which version I was uploading last night and the draft ended up here instead of the actual OS...

I don't know where this is coming from but yeah here it is.  
It's not a happy, feel good OS.  
Although there is something like a happy end...

Warnings: Angst, mention of miscarriage

* * *

"You gotta be kidding? We're owning Quintet's and yet we're taking the car?"  
"Yes." Steve looked at Lauren who was pacing through the team area ranting about how stupid this idea was for something like twenty minutes now.  
Lauren had joined the new SHIELD several months ago and Coulson had assigned her as a liaison agent on the hunt for Bucky.  
She had been one of the agents that had been trained by Victoria Hand.  
She went dark after SHIELD fell just to come back several months later.  
No one knew what she had been doing during her time off the grid and yet Coulson trusted her.  
"And why? This ain't the 40s anymore."  
"Disguise, blending in." He tried but he knew it was useless talking to her.  
Coulson had told him she had a temperament.

"But she is a nice person. Once you know her." Coulson had told him with a smirk.

He sat down on the kitchen counter drinking his coffee.  
"Are you freaking serious? How should this work. It's not like no one would recognize you. You're Captain freaking America." He understood her.  
He totally did.  
And yet he knew if they wanted to have a chance on getting closer to the Winter Soldier, they had to do it the old fashioned way.  
A Quinjet would be too obvious.  
Steve heard the elevator door open.  
"She flipped?" Maria asked as she approached him.  
"Yeah but I expected worse. She is still ranting though." He answered handing her a cup of coffee.  
"Mhm seeing you unharmed is good." They exchanged a short smile and Maria was about to say something before hearing Lauren continuing her rant.  
"I mean whose idea was it anyway? Walking around like "Hello everyone, we are SHIELD, a secret organization label a terrorist cell, looking for this mad man with a metal arm"."  
"Mine." Maria answered the question truthfully looking over the last details for their mission on finding Bucky.  
"I see. So working here makes you going nuts?"  
"I'll go tell Sam we're leaving in twenty." Steve jumped down from the counter.  
"Oh sir, you're not going anywhere. JARVIS tell Sam to be down at the garage in twenty."

Twenty minutes later in the garage.  
"Hey. Whoa what's wrong here?" Sam asked as he saw the Maria and Steve leaving the elevator followed by a furious looking Lauren.  
"Those freaks thought it would be fun to take a road trip to Denver. A freaking road trip." Maria and Steve shrugged and loaded their bags into the car.  
Sam and Lauren did the same.  
"So how long is she going to be like this?" Sam looked at Steve as he climbing in the back of the car.  
Sam had met Lauren briefly before on a meeting concering trying to find Buckys hiding places arcoss the country.  
"Depending on when she will be able to reach Coulson to tell him how bad all this is. So something like two hours I guess."  
"Jees that are going to be some very long two hours in the back." Steve smiled at him apologetic and started the engine.

The first hour was pretty silent expect some radio playing in the background.

"Why do I have to come along anyway?" Lauren asked.  
"Mh let me think. You're speaking Russian?" Sam replied.  
"But so does Maria." Lauren said like it was that obvious.  
"Who speaks it native? And who is good at analyzing situations very quickly out on the field?" Maria stated.  
Maria and Lauren had been close friends during their time at SHIELD.  
And while Maria had climbed ranks, Lauren chose the way of a trained specialist.  
Although she had been out on missions she and Maria always found a place and time for a coffee to check upon each other.  
"This is the only reason?"  
"No but that's all you need to know now." Steve said knowing that if she knew the rest she would flip again.  
For now she didn't need to know that Bucky, who was currently in Denver, had been heard asking for Natasha.  
And she was the one who could find out why he wanted to see her without revealing who she is and who she is working for.  
"So you're going to be all Fury, not sharing everything with all team members?" The blonde woman said with a huff.  
"Lauren you need to calm down. You're not thinking straight when your furious." Maria told her in hush Russian.  
"I do whatever I want. You're not my mother." She replied in her mother tongue.  
"This is getting ridiculous." Maria replied using the same language not looking up as she was typing an email.  
"You know what is ridiculous? That you and your lover think that no one notices. And that Steve is just going out with Sharon because he can't bear it to see you and Mr.-I'm-too-cool-for-this-shit." Lauren answered her in Spanish.  
"Lauren."  
"You know that I'm right. And you know how stupid you are thinking that you care about Mr.-I'm-not-even-close-to-on-being-as-rich-as-Tony-Stark." The Russian switched to French.  
Maria dropped her phone.  
She knew that Lauren was good at watching people and connecting loose ends to get intel.  
But this was private.  
Too private.  
"Gosh shut up." Marias voice trembled as she replied in French.  
Lauren didn't knew the rest of the story.  
Maria knew Steve had understood everything so far and she didn't want him to hear the rest of it.  
"Why, because it hurts to hear the truth? You know that Steve cares deeply for you and you're too ignorant to see it. You're hurting him." The answer came in French.  
Maria quickly glanced over to Steve who was clenching his jaw.  
"I know." Maria switched to Arabic and her voice was hard.  
Maybe too hard to a friend but she wanted to end this talk.  
It quickly had taken a turn which was opening a deep wound she didn't want to revisit.  
Not today.  
Lauren didn't see Steve fasten his grip on the steering wheel.  
"So keeping up this none sense? No one forbids you to be happy and to be with a man who really cares about you." Lauren said almost pleading.  
Over the time she had been at the Tower, Lauren had seen that there had been something between Steve and Maria past and pieces of it still existed.  
It was something her old friend hadn't told her.  
Neither was it the first time that she told her friend that she deserved happiness.  
"You don't understand. This got nothing to do with me. It never has to do with me. He is who he is and needs someone at his side who is not broken, who has not that much red on her ledge. He deserves better than me. And Sharon is better. Gosh she is Peggy's great niece." Maria answered in rapid Arabic trying to keep herself in check.  
She didn't want to lose this situation.  
She didn't want to deal with this pain again.  
"This is so wrong. And who says that he wants someone perfect? Have you two ever talked about all this?"  
The two women hadn't noticed that Steve had pulled over at a gas station and left them taking Sam to get coffee.  
"Maria you're not a monster. And all this is hurting him more than that it's helping anyone."  
Maria starred at her hands and bit the inner of her cheek to avoid the tears from falling.  
She even could smack the bitter taste of blood in her mouth.  
"You don't know what happened. Before DC. After DC. You weren't there. So stop pretending you know everything about him and me." Maria said with a shaking voice unable to control her emotions anymore, before slamming the door of the car.

"Don't." Steve said and Lauren looked at him surprised as she was about to go after her friend.  
She hadn't noticed that he had come back.  
There was no sight of Sam.  
He was probably still inside paying.  
"She is right. You don't know." He said in Arabic.  
And suddenly Lauren felt guilty about what she had said to her friend.  
Maria was right.  
She didn't know.  
They had lost contact shortly before HYDRA had revealed itself and hadn't been in contact before she rejoined SHIELD.  
"So can we stop the fight now? I know you're not very fond of this idea but we figured out that this would be the best way to head to Denver. Call Coulson if this makes you feel better, read a book or listen to music but please, please do me the favor and stop talking about Maria and me. It's not what it looks like." He said looking at her via the rear view mirror.  
"Yes. I'm sorry." Lauren sighed heavily knowing she should have listen to her friend as she had asked her to stop.  
She should have understood the subtitle hint.  
"Don't tell me. You should apologize to her." Steve said with a soft smile before opening the door of the car.

Sam sat down in his seat as Steve left the car.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Oh don't worry I didn't get anything since the first Lauren. And everyone has a bad day." Sam said with a smile before handing her a coffee and a blueberry muffin.  
"Maria said blueberry is your favorite."

"Ria." He whispered as he found her.  
"Steve, you should." She said not meeting his eyes.  
She didn't want him to see her cry.  
Not now.  
He had seen it once.  
He reached for her chin making her look him in the eyes before brushing away her tears.  
"Shh." He took her into his arms and she pulled him closer burring her face in his shirt.  
"I'm sorry." She whispered.  
"Hey there is nothing to apologize for."  
"I should" She paused taking a breath trying to stop the tears from falling.  
"Shh. We talked about it. And we'll talk about it again but not here. For now I need you to focus on the mission ahead. Okay?" She simply nodded unable to say anything, still holding unto him like he was her lifeline.  
If she was honest with herself she had to admit that she missed this.  
That she missed him.  
And that she regretted their decision while everything went down.

"It's two years today." She said quietly.  
"I know." He whispered.  
"Two years and I still wonder what it would have been like."  
"Me too. Things would be different." He said thinking back to the mission that changed their life's.  
They had known the risk and yet she had decided to go.  
He had blamed her for going in and then he had blamed himself for allowing it.  
"Would it have changed what we were?" She asked herself this question often.  
Things hadn't been easy.  
They had a rough time, fighting about so many little things.  
"I honestly don't know. Maybe." He was honest with his answer.  
"I wished we could turn back the time."  
"No. What happened has happened. We agreed on moving on." He said although it hurt.  
Sometimes he wondered if it had been the wrong moving on.  
"But I can't. He is not who I need. He is not who I want."  
"Ria."  
Those three letters from him were gentle and soft and Maria once again wondered how someone could tell so much with so little words.

There is a long pause while they're just holding each other thinking about the child that was never born.  
The mission that went wrong and changed everything.  
The fights.  
The pain.  
The tears.  
The isolation.  
The attempt to move on.  
The shattered dreams.  
The nasty break up.

"We should get back. We need to make it to Cleveland tonight." She nodded in agreement letting go of his shirt.  
"Hey Ria. It was never a once and for all." He said his forehead leaning against hers.  
"I know but I fear that there will never be a going back to. A going back to us." Her voice wasn't more than a hushed whisper.  
"Let's talk about a future not the past." He replied whispering .  
He still can feel the tears falling as he kissed her softly.  
"Right. Forward not backwards." She replied softly before kissing him desperately.  
She had missed this.  
Being that close to someone, being loved.  
Eventually they parted catching their breath.  
Maria met his eyes and she saw the hope, the softness she hadn't seen in months.  
This wouldn't fix things.  
They both were dating someone.  
And yet she dared to hope that they had a chance of being a us again.

Minutes later they were back at their car where Lauren was talking on the phone and Sam fast asleep in his seat.  
"I'll check in later." Lauren ended her call as soon as she saw Steve and Maria come back.  
Steve headed for the trunk to find a fresh shirt.  
His shirt was wet from Marias tears.  
While he changed he tried not to listen to what the two women were talking about.  
"Maria, I'm sorry. I should have stopped as you asked. I didn't know when to stop." Lauren apologized.  
"You don't know why I asked you to stop. Apology accepted. Just promise me not to talk about this topic again this. This harsh." Maria looked at her friend.  
One day she would tell her about her story with Steve.  
About the mission in China and the trap.  
The days she had spent in a hospital recovering from a gunshot and the bruises.  
And the miscarriage.  
"I promise." Maria nodded as she was about to open the door of the car.  
"One day I'll tell you." She promised her old friend staring at her shoes.  
"Okay. And thanks for the blueberry muffin."  
"I thought it would help to calm down." The brunette replied with a small smile before getting back in the car.

"You know, nothing has changed my feelings to you. I still love you." He told her in Russian as he knew that Lauren was talking on the phone.  
"I love you too." She replied squeezing his left hand gently.  
And yet it wouldn't make anything easier.

* * *

Spitfire303: Thanks for the review. Yeah I know it's a bit confusing but that is what I intended :)


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